Who Needs Editors?

A friend of mine decided to become an editor.  Isnt that silly?  I insure that my writin' is always topsy like, the creme of the corn so to speak.  I think we all have good writerss inside all of us, but sometimes we just need to look for those parts of ourselves that hide those things in there.  I know I is a good writer. 

That brings me to spell check.  It's good, to, but the editor says something silly.  He says it doesn't  doesn't help when it comes to homophones.  (Personally, I think that's just a rude thing to say, and I am not going to ever speak of it again.)

Well, if you need one of those fancy pants editors, here's my friend's information.  He's a good guy, a close and personal friend, but he doesn't always have good taste when it comes to friends.

 

Dealing with People

Let's face it...the hardest thing about heading out that front door is that, try as you might, you're likely to bump into a fellow human being from time to time.  Being an auditor, I find these interactions as troubling as interpretive dance at funerals.  

What can you do to reduce or eliminate these frustrating contacts?  There are many great options to explore and experiment with, but the ten that follow are my least favorite.

1.  As soon as someone is approaching you, run towards them as if to initiate a bear hug.

2.  Try smelling armpits every so often.  This seems to discourage contacts.

3.  While less effective with the advent of cell phones, having a loud conversation with no apparent person is always a great way to avoid social interactions.

4.  With your 1980s era cell phone firmly in hand, repeat the following until the person has passed you.  "You put the body where?  What do you mean you misplaced the knife?"

5.  If a woman walking dog appears, look at the dog and whistle loudly.  "Oh, yeah, baby!" also can be quite effective.  Not recommended for pit bulls or women wearing chains.

6.  Try hopping and walking backwards when approached by strange people.

7.  When approached next time, try just staring blankly and repeating the word "Rosebud?"  It works wonders.

8.  As inspired by a close relative, in awkward social situations nothing gets rid of people faster than stripping.  Well...okay...this only is effective with a certain body type.

9.  The aluminum foil hat can also be helpful in these situations, since it magnetically distorts the air around your head and renders you nearly invisible in the correct lighting conditions.

10.  Breaking into song is another great option.  Just make sure you can't actually sing.  If you sound good, this will be less effective--unless you also undress and hop simultaneously.

(These techniques also work well with roommates!)

IRS Rap / Love My IRC

(The IRC Squirrel)

In our on-going effort aimed squarely at discovering and implementing new and innovative ways of promoting continuing education for our fellow auditors, the Restless Auditor is excited to unveil the IRC Rap.  Happy learnin'!

(Best grab your munchies before you hit the exciting link below.)

THE IRC RAP!!

Destination Audits Coming to SyFi Channel!

Very excited to pass along this breaking news--straight from a guy on the inside of a late night cleaning crew--Destination Audits will be released soon from the SyFi Channel!  That's right.  You'll get to watch the exciting and hair-raising process of audit appointment setup, appointment cancellation, appointment re-schedule, appointment moved to accountant's office, appointment moved to accountant's brother-in-law's office in abandoned strip mall, followed (most likely) by audit completion some six months later.  It will feel like a real and true audit experience--minus the food-encrusted financial records with smelly dwarf hamster droppings!  So, grab your General Ledger and calculator and we'll see you for the season premier!  

Mitt & Obama Simultaneously Select the RESTLESS AUDITOR as VP!

Oh, happy day!  (Singing and clapping in background.)
 
It’s a first in the history of our “country.”  I got the exciting news of my selection last night while I was walking the trail looking for dinner.  I hardly could believe it when my good friend Mitt called me on my 1992-circa cell phone.  Imagine my shock when Obama called a few minutes later.  (I guess current VP Biden plagiarized his birth certificate or inhaled it, or something else quite naughty.  Also, he talks way too much.  He’s apparently out, but this is all real hush-hush.  Don’t tell anyone, Frank!)  Anyway, I’m sure neither one would mind me making the announcement today seeing as I'm kind of excited and all. 
 
What to do…what to do?  In the service of my country, the Restless Auditor stands ready to become the VP pick by coin toss.  Wait…I see a problem with that.  What if, for example, I decide to join Mitt, then the dark side wins?
 
The only choice is “Yes” to both.  In a first in the history of the USA (I think), the Restless Auditor expresses his willingness and (shaking) excitement to undertake this new chapter in the old book of life.  Why, I am so excited, I have to change my shirt again!
 
(Also, I just adore talking about myself in the third person!  After all, he/I is great!!!)

(Also, don't forget to download my new App as soon as it comes out sometime within the next couple years, or so!)

Rockin' Oregon Accountant Party!

It's strange, but just having moved to Salem, Oregon twenty years, or so, ago and having no close friends, acquaintances, or pets yet, the internet has been my communication lifeline.  Some of my internet friends just made me aware of a rockin' party tonight just off of someplace called Collins Cove here in Oregon's capital capitol.  Looking forward to catchin' the whole accounting online gang in the "real world" tonight.  See ya there!  PS.  BYOC! (Bring your own calculators!!)

Restless Auditor Not Yet Leaving Twitter!!

Bewilderingly, I am indeed still here.  Don't understand it, but that's the long and short of the situation.  In other news, experiencing continuity problems in my life today.  More on that later perhaps--but someone's going to be receiving a strongly worded letter!