Dealing with People

Let's face it...the hardest thing about heading out that front door is that, try as you might, you're likely to bump into a fellow human being from time to time.  Being an auditor, I find these interactions as troubling as interpretive dance at funerals.  

What can you do to reduce or eliminate these frustrating contacts?  There are many great options to explore and experiment with, but the ten that follow are my least favorite.

1.  As soon as someone is approaching you, run towards them as if to initiate a bear hug.

2.  Try smelling armpits every so often.  This seems to discourage contacts.

3.  While less effective with the advent of cell phones, having a loud conversation with no apparent person is always a great way to avoid social interactions.

4.  With your 1980s era cell phone firmly in hand, repeat the following until the person has passed you.  "You put the body where?  What do you mean you misplaced the knife?"

5.  If a woman walking dog appears, look at the dog and whistle loudly.  "Oh, yeah, baby!" also can be quite effective.  Not recommended for pit bulls or women wearing chains.

6.  Try hopping and walking backwards when approached by strange people.

7.  When approached next time, try just staring blankly and repeating the word "Rosebud?"  It works wonders.

8.  As inspired by a close relative, in awkward social situations nothing gets rid of people faster than stripping.  Well...okay...this only is effective with a certain body type.

9.  The aluminum foil hat can also be helpful in these situations, since it magnetically distorts the air around your head and renders you nearly invisible in the correct lighting conditions.

10.  Breaking into song is another great option.  Just make sure you can't actually sing.  If you sound good, this will be less effective--unless you also undress and hop simultaneously.

(These techniques also work well with roommates!)

IRS Rap / Love My IRC

(The IRC Squirrel)

In our on-going effort aimed squarely at discovering and implementing new and innovative ways of promoting continuing education for our fellow auditors, the Restless Auditor is excited to unveil the IRC Rap.  Happy learnin'!

(Best grab your munchies before you hit the exciting link below.)

THE IRC RAP!!