Since we're taking a moment to air our dirty laundry, I'd like to pause to reflect on some other items. To the lunchtime dinners of Franky's Pizzeria, you really should not have been eating the salad bar's tapioca. To the Honorable Scott Deylander, I didn't realize that was a Chihuahua in your backyard when taking up falconry. (I thought it was a rat.) Really sorry 'bout that. If you'd like, I can return several parts.
To Stephen Colbert, when you failed to accept my generous consulting offer for your Super Pac, I'm afraid I may have been momentarily upset. It's possible I may have fired off a very angry letter to a Hell's Angel representative in your name. It's true that I called the organization "a bunch of pansy boys in leather who care more about wearing their dresses on the weekends than riding their little trikes," but I'm sure they'll laugh amicably at the humour of it all. (Oh, I also gave them your address and e-mail.)
Please also accept my apologies in advance reference the box you will be receiving later this week. As long as you haven't visited South America in the last decade, you should be fine. ...Did you happen to see Outbreak?
Anywho, that's about it. Oh, wait, to that strange Wikipedia editor who runs the feral cat and poodle rescue service, I probably shouldn't have ordered those fur coats for you. That was indeed unkind--but they are awful fuzzy.
Lastly, Bubba Clyve Bubbason, if you should happen to notice a short man wearing all black sneaking around outside your home late at night, please pay him no mind. Also, would you mind turning off your automated sprinklers until Tuesday? No reason...
PS. Technically challenged and in need of more Restless Auditor to make it through your day? Perfectly understandable condition. Please copy/paste the "URL" thingy below, then "follow." Don't forget to also send large donation to ensure we can continue with our selfless public service mission. Thank you!
PPS. Did you know that you can find official Restless Auditor musings on Twitter?