Breaking Financial News!!! + Personal Austerity Plan for Prosperity

Some of you may have heard of the conference at which I currently find myself--in beautiful and mild North Dakota.  I was shocked to learn today that we may be headed towards an economic crisis.  Since I always try to bring you the financial news sooner rather than later, I left the class early in order to convey the breaking news to you, my readers.


This economic downturn, sometimes referred to as a

rescission, means you may have to learn how to do less with more.  This prospect need not alarm you, however, because you have the Restless Auditor in your corner!  

Below, I will outline six ways to cut expenses and six exciting ways to transform your personal revenue stream from a gentle brook to thundering rivers of financial goodness.  I call this my Personal Austerity Plan for Prosperity.  Please bear in mind that while I do play a doctor on television, I am actually not a qualified attorney or law enforcement officer--except in Idaho--so best to check with your local constabulary and all.  Oh, some of these suggestions may also result in some neighborly squabbles, too.  

Cut Expenses 

1.  Bill your pizzas to your neighbor.

2.  Use credit cards for most routine and daily expenses.  (Apply for more lines of credit, too!)

3.  Take out large equity loans to fund your lavish vacations--as well as the dwarf hamster evening-wear start-up idea.

4.  Start hoarding small animals (cats, rabbits, goats, horses, etc.) to take your mind off the above, as well as possible furry food source (ffs).  Think protein.

5.  Stop using lights and heat.  (Alternatively, splice into neighbor's power.)

6.  Learn to dumpster dive, or, as I like to call it, doing the dumpster backstroke.


7.  (BONUS!)  If James Franco is working for you, just let him go; he's over-priced.

Income Increasers 

1.  Get a job thingy.  (risky)

2.  Work from home in spare time.

3.  Turn your gold into cash at Bubba's.  (Bubba uses fair 1931 gold rates in his exchange calculations.  You can trust that Bubba has your gold's best interest in mind.)

4.  Rent or sell neighbor's home while on vacation.

5.  Pet ransoming (not recommended for some larger breeds or goldfish).

6.  Obtain coupons free from Extreme Couponers!  (Let them do all the clipping!)  First, find an EC.  Second, point and say excitedly, "Free Ketchup!"  Third, take all coupons within reach.  Fourth, leave for a while, then return.  Repeat scenario with "mustard" exclamation for lots more fun!

7.  (BONUS!)  Don't calculate daily balances in your checkbook.  Get what you need and just don't worry about it.  Sort it all out around the 25th, or so.

Whether you employ all, or just a few of these wonderful techniques for savings, you'll soon be saving and scrimping to a life of bliss.  (After all, most prisons feed you well these days, and they have cable!)

Until next time....