Too Much Cash?

One hard part about being an auditor is that you're exposed to the sad financial affairs of so many people. It's shocking, disturbing, and mildly sickening to see how many people struggle with their finances. After all, what do you do if you have everything you need, but the checkbook remains always full; it's terrible.

Sure, we know that not everyone has too much money to spend comfortably on their own, but what about your neighbor, your uncle....you? This isn't always someone else's problem. If you find yourself lying awake at night wondering what on earth you can do with all your cash (or the buried krugerrands), who you gonna call?

Well, it so happens that today, I have the answer to this troubling dilemma--or trilemma, depending on the number of gold coins you're holding. Don't wait for the US financial system to collapse, address your spending deficits today by calling us at Bubba's Cash Be Gone toll free number (or spend some of that money and call us on the regular line). We at Cash Be Gone care about you, our lucrative (and, truth be know, somewhat ecentric) customers.

Here are some actual glowing references from our many past clients.

"Frank"

My name is ---- ------. I used to be a big shot -------. The money, it was always there, bothering me. In the middle of the night, I'd wake up and try to figure out what I could possibly do with it all. Also, sometimes it would say things to me--and they weren't always nice things. From being a nervous wreck in my posh upper West Side condo, I went to this soup kitchen in just a week after making the call to Cash Be Gone. Thanks, Cash Be Gone. You made a believer out of me!

"Margot"

Hi, my name is ------- -------. Hi, my name is ----- -----. Wait, that's not right. Well, anyway. I have one or two memory problems. My money was causing a lot of family friction for me. My kids were out to get me and all. So, I called Cash Be Gone for help. I asked... Do I have to take out all the cash myself, or can you carry it out for me? They came and took it all. Well, I think they did. It's all a little fuzzy now. Hi, my name is...

"Guido"

You know that feeling after you've eliminated a long-time thorn in your side? You can't take it anymore, so you just get down to business with your trusty ol' 357? Bada Bing! That's similar to the warm and happy feelings I experienced after my first call to my close and personal friends at Cash Be Gone. Truth be known, they're like my family. It's almost like Mama was still around. Yes, they took care of everything for me. I live a simpler life now. In fact, I live in the back of a friend's van, but I'm good with it. No more worries. Thanks Cash Be Gone.

To all of our customers, you're welcome. Let us help you help yourself by taking away all the temptations and trouble cash can bring to a family. We'll take it off your hands for free--well, sort of. As my co-founder, Stephen, likes to say, we go the extra mile to invest and quickly dispose of your money--so you don't have to.