Since 1976, Dan Aykroyd has been the esteemed founder and CEO of the Bassomatic. While we all are familiar with the joy and wonder of our first glass of this fine beverage, did you also know that this is much more nutritious and satisfying than pink slime? I bet you didn't know this, but it is indeed true.
Most importantly, it doesn't have to be bass! Why just the other day, I walked by a co-worker and commented on her bass, but trout is actually much more effective and satisfying ingredient. Here's how to to make gray slime in the comfort and privacy of your own home! When we're ready to wrap up today's important post, I'll also include several down-home applications for this fine product! Don't ignore gray slime for one more minute!
Easy to Follow Directions:
A. We find the fishy things.
1. Charge batteries on all electronic devices.
2. Find "books" you can actually read. Avoid the classics because they can be hard. (I recommend Restless Auditor Romance Novels.)
3. Bring lots of red wine--or beer if it doesn't remind you of a public rest area in southern New Mexico.
4. Fill backpack with lots of food and drinks for long outing. This will be an adventure!
5. Bring fishing supplies.
6. Go to fishing place. Spend hours throwing little line in the water and waiting.
7. Read and eat and wait. Drink alcoholic beverage.
8. Wait. Scratch self inconspicuously.
9. Swear once or twice. Get into drunken brawl with man next to you.
10. Throw fishing gear away. Go to grocery store where you will "catch" at least three large trout. (For added effect, take fish out of packaging and put in your creel (not krill). Family and friends will be impressed!
B. Creating Gray Slime!!!
1. Find blender.
2. Make a slight effort at removing a few scales, but don't worry too much.
3. Cut off fishy tail. (Don't worry it hurts him more than you.)
4. Pour one cup of crushed ice cubes into blender.
5. One teaspoon of vanilla extract.
6. Two teaspoons of salt.
7. Drop three trout into blender.
8. Two tablespoons of kitchen compost.
9. Blend and pour Liquid goodness!
10. Enjoy! :)
Now that you are faced with a couple tall glasses of gray slime, what's next? Its potential uses are as limitless as those for its inferior siblings, pink slime and green slime (grasshoppers).
C-D/E. Gray Slime Uses:
1. Nutritional supplement.
2. Work-at-home opportunity.
3. Christmas Gift (use fish bottles). Great for your boss!
4. Shampoo! Yes, it so happens that gray slime is the prime ingredient of Limp & Gray Shampoo! Just add some chalk powder and fresh elephant garlic, and you're ready to go. It leaves your hair feeling like you just left Ballard!
5. A gift for your cats! Your cat will love you forever. Get rid of those cans of cat food and give your cat the best!
6. Great for office food days!
7. Instead of leaving out candy at your accounting cubicle, have a punch bowl of gray slime and little Dixie cups--and/or chicks.
8. Add to deserts to enhance nutritional value.
9. Did you know that one cup of gray slime equals two cups of pink slime? (This can't be helped.)
10. Keep the rabbits away. Spy rabbits don't like gray slime. This ingredient will help keep their stares at bay, and the little rabbit voices will stay in the background of your brain thingy.
Turn your world gray with gray slime today!
Kinda ew...but interesting, and I'm sure far superior than chemical-ridden pink slime. :-)
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