Marriage Counseling from the Restless Auditor!

Having been married now for several weeks to what's-her-face, I think I'm in a position to offer some advice to even the old-timers out there.  They say that the poor economy is great for counselors and divorce attorneys, so I figure I better get some of this business--if you know what I mean.

In part 1 of this (as yet uncharted) series on marriage enrichment, I'd like to focus today on "communication."  Now, a lot of people think that communication refers to two people, but that's not necessarily the case.  You see, sometimes personal communication with yourself is important, too.  For instance, I might go to an ice cream store, because I think I want ice cream.  I get there, though, and it's like...okay, why am I here?

You see where I'm going with this?  Well, okay let's look at llamas as an alternative illustration for the sake of clarity and specificity.  Suppose you have a rabbit named Frankie and the llama's named Buster.  Now, Buster and Frankie get together one day and decide that they need to go to Wal-Mart.  They head out, but on the way Buster steps on Frankie.  The rabbit is flattened out like a cheap IHOP pancake from the day before, but that's not my point. (Or is it?  I'm confused.)

My point is where was the Wal-Mart?  Was it nearby, or was it down the street a ways?  Because, there is the rub, my friend. Sometimes communication is shrouded in mystery and sometimes it's as clear as the nose on Frank's ugly face.  

You gotta know what you want and when you want it.  Marriage, after all, is a 85% / 15% relationship.  The woman is clearly responsible for the larger 85% area of responsibility, and the man just needs to make sure that he has a place to put his smelly feet.  

I feel like the pills I took may be causing some issues, so let me end with a personal example concerning this thing I call "communication."  The other day my wifey was lost in deep thought, mulling over some serious issue or another.  With great delight, I realized she wasn't listening to me, so I took the opportunity to ask her about buying a new truck for my audits, rabbit head rack for the living room, and that I was considering taking up smoking and chewing tobacco--on alternate Saturday afternoons.  Of course she approved it all!  This is an example of expert communication for the married couple.

Well, gotta scoot!  It looks like I'm sleeping the couch again.