Oregon's Clown Exclusion, ORS 998.093?

Here at the headquarters of the Restless Auditor, we're proud to be the sole news source for a number of our informed readers.  We take our mission to keep you informed very seriously.  This being the case, I'd like to share the mysterious "lost statute," which was recently unearthed in a capitol garbage bin.  Conspiracy or oversight?  The question that begs an answer (as they so often do) is was it lost...or hidden by someone or something?  

ORS 998.093  Employment; certain clowning and monkey business activities excluded.

“Employment” shall not include clowning activities as performed by those persons certified and licensed under the World Clown Association of Greater Scappoose.  This exclusion will apply only to said activities after the application of initial white face paint AND the wearing of the required large red nose (hereafter referred to as LRN).  Any services performed before the application of said white face paint and LRN shall be considered subject employment.  If any unpainted assistant, including, but not limited to a human being, monkey, rabbit, or dwarf hamster, is working with or within twenty-feet of aforementioned clown, then the cash value of any remuneration received or directed towards said person/animal is subject in full.  (If the otherwise excluded clowning activities occur within a boat engaged in downriver rafting while the clown is also attempting to sell insurance products, the clown must immediately forfeit his LRN.)

“Employment” shall also not include activities falling under the category of “monkey business,” except when said activities take place on a Tuesday evening when a full moon is present.  (For monkey business definition, please see “Bill Sizemore.”)  If monkey business and excluded clowning activities take place concurrently or consecutively, any subject value shall be determined by a coin toss.  In the event that aforementioned services take place in Vernonia, however, the person/animal may subcontract another person/animal to complete the coin toss in the presence of a certified coin toss judge and appropriate spectators.  If these clowning or monkey business activities take place on the first Wednesday of the month, all spectators must first count backwards from twenty-four—definitely not twenty-five nor twenty-three—and they must stop before reaching five, but after reaching six.  If any activities take place on a Monday, all bets are off.