Frequently Asked Questions About Auditing

Many, many of our fine readers have asked questions about the exciting life of the auditor, so here's a sampling of the most popular questions and responses for both Bob and Frank over in Junction City.  (Since your questions were selected, you both win a brand new lint brush and nail-clipper combo gift pack!)

1. What's it like being a tax auditor?

While a stranger's checkbook is an exciting place to be, the job is not all about fast cars and dangerous conspiracies--like you read in the brochures. It also involves a good deal of work with financial thingies.

2. How important are standard accounting principles to the work you do?

This is a popular misconception. The answer is very little. Mostly, one just needs to keep quiet concerning mounting conspiracies aimed at world domination.

3. Have you ever shot anyone?

No, actually I suspect you are thinking of the happy-go-lucky fellows at the IRS. We are encouraged to keep away from anything which might cause ouchies. This is why we no longer carry concealed staplers, which make a formidable weapon, of course. As members in good standing of the Society of Financial Protologists, we strive for only peaceful encounters. We abhor all kinds of violence--espcecially when directed towards us. (The SFP motto is "Further & Deeper".)

4. Rounded to the nearest whole number, how many people have you shot?

Again, you are likely thinking of our friends at the IRS. It is true, however, that I almost embarked upon an exciting law enforcement career many moons ago, but, alas, failed to make the cuts. It was a running track conspiracy, of course. 

5. How often do talking animals show up for audits?

While nothing digs into a suspicious General Ledger quite like a squirrel, sadly we don't see them quite as often as we used to. This is probably due to the proliferation in unlicensed (and concealed) housecats.

6. Do you like it when old food and garbage is clinging to the financial records (kept in a shoebox) under scrutiny?

No, no we do not.  My rule of thumb is that the financial records should not have a strong odor.  If they do, however, essence of lilac is preferred over garlic, cheese, and mysterious hair surprise.