Late Night Stalker Swim in the Koi Pond & Cat Tossing

To: Mr. Bubbason's Secretary ("Sylvia"),


I was deeply offended to recently be accused of stalking Mr. Bubbason, current President of the Society of Financial Proctologists--and new guest star from CSI SUV ASAP at the AARP.  The accusation made me so furious that I stormed over to his koi pond late that night.  I just needed to get away from all the voices in my brain.

Much to my disappointment, however, the voices followed me to the koi pond.  I was further much annoyed to find the Prius back in the water, but the fish did seem to be enjoying it.  After watching the bedroom window for a while and thinking about the unfairness of the whole stalker label, I decided to call it a day.  Sadly, my clothes were missing.  This put me in a rather "awkward" position--actually several awkward positions.  

Fortunately, I remembered my stash of clothes in the upper branches of your poplar.  It proved difficult, however, to climb the poplar in my wet condition.  When your cat wandered by, I remembered cat tossing!  After making friends with the apprehensive feline, I attached some string to her and tossed her up into the poplar.  I hit my clothes pile with the first cat toss!  The cat was not keen on returning to the ground, but eventually pulling the string brought the cat and clothes falling out of the tree.


That's when the cat ouchie took place.  The cut was small, but, I was so angry with the cat that I placed her back in the Prius.  (She doesn't like the water much.)  Returning to my clothes pile beneath the poplar, I found a raccoon starting to wander off with said clothing.  By throwing one of your old vases from the Chinese garden, I was able to ward it off.  I think it headed to your dog door.  (The raccoon--not the vase.)


Soon, I was back in my house.  Except, then I realized where I had left my clothes...and my key: the Prius.  So...if you could please return my keys and clothes in the back seat of the submerged Prius, it would be appreciated.  If you don't know where the car is, just ask your cat!  


Again, please leave your sprinklers off (and retire to bed early) on Tuesday!  


By the way...did you know that owning your own special part of the Restless Auditor is now within your/my grasp?  You may either select my hair or the official RA Mug!  (I suggest my hair.  The pile is quickly growing!)